Life Coaching

Audition - Trying to Please Everyone Else

2008-06-09T17:09:00.001-05:00

Be honest with yourself, what do you do when friends, co-workers, or relatives tell you what you should or should not do about your life, health, career, relationships, etc? Do you immediately move to action to change what others say you should change? How does what others think about you affect your life? What happens to you that you immediately feel like you must work on what someone else pointed out in your life?

I believe this act of wanting to please others affects all of us in some way. However, it affects many in a great way. Have you ever auditioned for a part in a play? Did you ever try out for the football or volleyball team at school? We endeavored to play the part well so the director would be pleased with our performance and give us the part. We worked so hard to please the coach in hopes that we might have a spot on the team. When we were teenagers we were pressured by our friends to do certain things we knew were not right. Since we wanted to keep our friends we would do those things to please them. We view American Idol to watch as young people audition before the judges and the nation to try to become the next American Idol. We step into our adult years where we have a career and we perform for the boss, so he/she will be pleased with us.

Life itself can feel like just one big audition. We step on stage of life where all the lights are blaring in our face. The audience sits back to watch our performance. Suddenly, we begin to perform for them. Who are you performing and auditioning for? Who can tell you to jump and you jump and keep jumping until they tell you to stop? Who are you trying to please to the extent that whatever they tell you to do or change you hop right to it?

Life should not be an audition. We are not trying out all the time. What happened to a person having their own identity? Why are we working so hard to become like everyone else when we are a unique individual personality? If you are moderately or constantly changing something in your life because someone said you should, then you are basically not in control of the decisions you make. You are allowing others to make decisions for you because of your strong desire to be pleasing, approved, accepted, and praised in their sight.

Sure, there are people we should look up to and glean from. There are people who should influence our life and give us advice. It is not so much others that are the problem as it is you desiring them to be pleased with your performance. I will give you an example. A woman goes to the mall to shop for a dress for a special occasion. She spends a few hours going from store to store and trying on dress after dress and finally she finds one she likes. She likes the color, style, and it fits great on her. Well, when she gets home and models it for her friends she finds they are not as favorable of the dress as she is. What would you do? Do you return the dress based on their comments or do you keep it because you really like it? If you really want to please your friends, you would return the dress back to the store. However, if you are your own person, unique and different, you would rip the price tag off and wear the dress for the special occasion.

You have to ask yourself “what do you want to accomplish in your life” and not “what do others want you to accomplish”. Change something in your life because you believe it’s the right thing to do for you and not for anyone and everyone else. How comfortable are you with your weight? How comfortable are you with your career? How comfortable are you with your life right now? Change your life because you want to change it and not because you would be pleasing others if you did. True friends will love you for who you are and not because you are not pleasing them. Living your life for others is nothing but a life full of frustration. It is a constant struggle. The balance would be to allow people to have input and influence in your life without controlling your every move. When I am trying hard to please others, they control my every move. You be in control of your life. You are not auditioning for a part in the play called “Life”. You are in the play.

Josh Perez is a Personal and Professional Coach helping individuals set and achieve goals, make life changes, overcome procrastination, thought patterns, obstacles; discover life purpose, get out of a rut, and move forward. Visit www.morphcoaching.com for more information about personal and professional coaching.

Tune In

2008-05-05T09:52:00.003-05:00

Give the Gift of Listening

Think of a time you were conversing with someone. As you talked with them you noticed the lights were on, but nobody was home. You may say they were in la la land or daydreaming. When was the last time you got the blank stare from someone? We have all probably experienced chatting with a friend or having a discussion with our spouse only to realize they are off in another world. We may ask, “Did you hear me”? They quickly respond with, “Huh, yeah”. Parents sometimes experience this when they are correcting their teenager. The teenager rolls the eyes or looks everywhere else except for in the eyes of their parent. All too often this happens. Not only has it happened to us, but we have also done it to others.

We have all been there where someone is pouring their heart out to us and we are genuinely listening, but then something pops in our mind out of no where it seems and we begin to dwell on it. We start carrying on a conversation in our head concerning a situation or circumstance going on in our life forgetting about the conversation we were having with the person across from us. This can all happen in a matter of minutes. This leaves the other person feeling like they are not important and are a burden to us.

I believe we all desire to be genuine listeners and to resist the temptation of carrying on a conversation in our head while talking with someone. The simple fact is there will always be something we can dwell on in our mind while others are talking to us. If we acknowledge this first, we will prepare for its arrival and can deal with it appropriately. It is similar to a nation receiving intel on how and where an enemy is going to attack. Once they have the information they can be prepared for the enemy. In our case the enemy is the very thoughts of our mind.

First off, whether we say it aloud to the individual or simply to ourselves, we must acknowledge the person being very important to us and so therefore we are all ears before them. They are so important they have our full undivided attention. Attention is divided when we are so called listening to them while we are really listening to our head. Full undivided attention is when we are giving both our ears to the person and listening to every word. If we can establish that people are important and we really do care about what they are saying, we will listen better. This is not to say things will still not creep up in our mind, but that brings us to the next step.

We can be all ears for the person we are talking with and still things will pop up in our minds. Sometimes this is triggered by something the person said. Sometimes it is just a worthless thought. No matter what type of thought it is I have to shut it down because I am presently in a conversation with somebody else thinking about what they are saying. I can come back to myself later on. We have the ability to take every single thought captive and that’s what we must do.

Ok, how do we do that? When you find yourself drifting into a conversation in your head, bring it to a halt. In other words stop thinking about it and go back to thinking about what the person is saying. We daydream when we have been dwelling on the thought too long. The “lights are on, but nobody is home” phenomenon sets in because we have given too much time to the thought which crept in our mind. Stop the thought. While yes it is true that God has created our brain to have the awesome ability of thinking on many things at one time, we can only focus on one thing at a time. We can only focus on one thought at a time. If we allow ourselves to dwell on the thought in our mind rather than the conversation at hand, we will be focused on the thought. We have to stop the thought.

Try this exercise. Take a moment and think about where you would like to go on your next vacation. What would you like to do? How much fun would you have? Ok, so you got the dream vacation? Now, what do you have to accomplish at work or home tomorrow? What did you notice took place when you went from thinking about your dream vacation to work or home? What happened in your mind? Did you switch gears from vacation to work? You were so focused on creating that dream vacation and then you easily began focusing on work or home. This exercise is what we must practice when having conversations with people. It will help us to stay focused on what the individual is saying.

The next thing we must do is be a genuine listener. The conversation in our head is a big obstacle to good and quick listening, but if we do not genuinely listen we are no better off. Genuine listening not only involves cutting off the thoughts in our mind and focusing on the person. It involves not interrupting them while they are talking. All too often we jump in with our own experiences and thoughts about what the person is going through or dealing with in the attempt to help them. This is not genuine listening. Genuine listening involves allowing the person to get off their chest what troubles or concerns them without interruption. Many times people are simply looking for someone to listen to them not offer advice or solutions. We are not genuine listening when we are looking for the place where we can interrupt the conversation with our advice and our solution to help the person out. This may be a form of listening, but we are really listening for something we can relate to, have experienced, or have knowledge of in order to tell the person what they should or should not do. This is not genuine listening. Genuine listening is staying within the boundaries of thinking and focusing only on what the person is saying. There are no preconceived ideas or interruptions.

It is easy to go off into la la land and it is easy to interrupt with advice and solutions. It takes practice, practice, more practice, and good effort to be a genuine listener. A genuine listener truly cares about the individual talking to them. Remember, be quick to listen and slow to speak. The gift of listening is one of the best presents we can give to our spouse, children, friend, relative, co-worker, employee, etc. Tune in to what the other person is saying.

Josh Perez is a Personal and Professional Coach helping individuals set and achieve goals, make life changes, overcome procrastination, thought patterns, obstacles; discover life purpose, get out of a rut, and move forward. Visit www.morphcoaching.com for more information about personal and professional coaching.

Asset

2008-04-07T11:48:00.003-05:00

Thinking about the Needs of Others

We can be selfish people can’t we? We can get so focused and consumed with “me” that we do not pay any attention to the people around us. I think of a husband who is so wrapped up in his job or business. He works 60 plus hours trying to climb to the top or works hard to make his business successful. If you ask that husband if he loves his family, you will get an emphatic yes with a response like, “That’s why I am working so much” or “I am doing this for them”. The reality is he is not working long hours for his wife and children. The opposite actually is true; he is working long days for himself. I think of times when I saw someone pulled off to the side of the road and did not stop to see if they needed a hand or to make a phone call. I just wanted to get home and shave, get a shower, and relax. I think of the retail salesperson who is more interested in me walking out with a 50” plasma TV for $2,500 than he is about actually spending time to answer questions and give honest answers. I think of the car salesman who just wants to sell his next car that he’ll say anything.

On ABC’s Primetime segment “What Would You Do?” we watch as many men and women walk by individuals in their time of need. We rationalize in our minds that we should not get involved in other people’s business. We allow fear to grip and paralyze us from taking some type of action. No matter what the situation we must use wisdom in dealing with it. However, we can do something can’t we? It is pure selfishness on our part if we see someone being abused in some way or hurting and not do anything about it. We can at least do something.

We can really be selfish. In fact, it is built within us. We have a selfish nature. We do not have to work at it; we are selfish by nature. Like a lion, bear, or shark are killers by nature; we are selfish by nature. If we just act normal, we will usually act selfish. Remember when we were kids? Everything was mine. We would throw some of the worse tantrums if we didn’t get our way. Maybe you have children or grandchildren right now who do these very things. Granted a baby should be selfish, but as we grow up that selfishness does not leave us. So really it is abnormal to be selfless. In other words, it is something that does not come natural. If we desire to do it more, then we must work at it.

How do we become less selfish and become more selfless? The simple answer to that is we think about the needs of others more. We pay more attention to what is going on in the lives of those around us and in our community. People by and large want to do the right thing and are generally good. I believe if more people were selfless it would change the face of our community, state, nation, and the world. Look at it this way, if you were in a desperate situation and needed another person’s assistance, how would it make you feel that somebody came to your rescue? If we want to be treated with respect and dignity, we should treat others the same. If we would like to be helped and cared for in the time of need, we should help and care for others in their time of need. Simply reminding ourselves to do to others what we want done to ourselves is a good start.

We must also rid ourselves of present “selfish” habits and start new ones. If I have the habit of not assisting my wife with the children, laundry, or the dishes then I can start building a new habit today by helping her with those things. If I have never taken the time to sit in the stands and watch my son play football or my daughter’s basketball game then I can change that and begin today to do so. How easy is it to change present habits? It is as easy as doing the opposite of what I have been doing. However, that is the challenge. It is easy to think about doing the opposite of what I have been doing, but actually doing it is the challenge. It is also easy to change a present habit for one day, but can you change it for 30 consecutive days? This is how present habits become a thing of the past.

Believe me, I am not saying that we should not accomplish and fulfill things for ourselves. Although, I am saying there should be a balance. I am also saying there is a better way to have that sense of fulfillment and accomplishment and that is through helping others. How awesome is it to put a smile on someone’s face that just a few moments ago were terribly sad? It makes you feel good inside to give a couple bucks to someone who could use a meal. It feels good to help an elderly person with their groceries. It’s fulfilling to help someone on the side of the road put a spare tire on. I have had the great privilege of visiting third world countries and while the poverty grabs your attention immediately it is so fulfilling to help them with food, medicines, clothes, construction, etc. I personally believe it is more rewarding to be selfless than selfish.

What are some other practical things we can do to meet the needs of others? We can volunteer in many places. We can volunteer at a church. We can volunteer at Habitat for Humanity and help build a home for a needy family. We can serve at the local soup kitchen and help feed the hungry. We can visit neighbors and see if there is something around their house they can use a hand with. We can volunteer at an abused women’s shelter or homeless shelter. We can get involved in charitable events that help the less fortunate. We can financially support organizations that are making a good difference in our community. With minimal thought we can think of many ways to help others.

What opportunities to help and serve others have you missed? How can you change that and take full advantage of those opportunities? What new habits do you desire to start? Write them down and begin practicing them today. Start with your family. How can you show your spouse and children you love them? Write down ways you can show love through action to your family. What volunteer opportunities are available in your community? Research and write down places where you can volunteer. Make plans to visit those places this week. Who can you lend a helping hand to in your neighborhood or at work? A true asset in this world is the individual who cares for the needs of others more than they do their own. It is very fulfilling and gives a great sense of accomplishment. It truly is better to give than to receive.

Josh Perez is a Personal and Professional Coach helping individuals set and achieve goals, make life changes, overcome procrastination, thought patterns, obstacles; discover life purpose, get out of a rut, and move forward. Visit www.morphcoaching.com for more information about personal and professional coaching.

Monotone

2008-03-17T09:40:00.020-05:00

Recasting Vision For Your Life

Who do you think of when you picture someone talking in monotone? I personally think of Ben Stein who did the Clear Eyes commercials a few years back. His voice remained at the same tone throughout the commercial. He did not show any excitement whatsoever in the product he was selling. He was just straightforward, to the point, and the commercial was over. Many people would probably describe him as boring. Now, I realize that is exactly what they wanted to accomplish in this commercial for whatever reason. However, the reality is that many people live their real lives this way. Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh was another one that talked in monotone and was not really excited about life. He made statements like, "When someone says, 'How do you do, just say that you didn't'" or "There are those who will wish you good morning. If it is a good morning, which I doubt", and even "And how are you?" said Winnie-the-Pooh. Eeyore shook his head from side to side. "Not very how," he said. "I don't seem to felt at all how for a long time." Eeyore could usually find something in anything to be disgruntled about.

What about you? How excited are you about life, career, marriage, relationships, finances, economy, religion, etc? We can hear so much negative from the news and radio stations that we get sucked up into it thinking our life and life itself is just plain old negative. It is amazing to me how human nature magnifies the negative so much. Something terrible happens in the United States and we have to broadcast it on every station for a whole week. We remember the mistakes, failures, and shortcomings of our spouse more than their strengths and victories. We say stuff like, "Man, it would be great if I got that promotion, but I probably wont". We count ourselves out without even trying.

We must be careful. Lacking in vision is not a good place to be at. What would be the purpose for living if you have no vision? People who have no vision can be angry and grumpy people. They are just mad at the world. Many people who did not have vision commit suicide. Do this exercise after you read it. Close your eyes tightly and answer this question. How awful would it be if you did not have your eyesight any longer? Go ahead and do it now. It is one thing to be born blind, but quite another thing to have your eyesight a good portion of your life and suddenly lose it totally. Some people would lose hope and could not live on any longer. Others would take on the challenge, learn this new way of life, and continue living. The same is true with vision for our life. Yes, there are many things that are negative around the world, but there are also positive things. The key is not to lose hope and continue having vision.

How do I do that? It starts with you becoming excited about life again. Next, what is your vision for your life? In other words, what would you like to see happen in your career or business, your marriage and children, finances, your relationship with God, friendships, your attitude, behavior, and lifestyle? Write that vision down. Write down exactly what you want to accomplish. Write down your goals for every area of your life you desire to work on. Do not speak in general terms about your goals; you must be specific. You can first write them down in general terms, but you must rewrite them afterwards in specific terms. In other words, having a better marriage or attitude is the general goal. Now, be more specific about what a better marriage or attitude looks like. How do you define your marriage being better? How do you define your attitude being better? What exactly do you need to do in order to achieve better? For more on how to set specific goals you can read my article Concrete Resolutions.

After you write the vision down you have to get it into your heart. Don't just write it down, place it in a folder, and put it away. Keep it before you all the time. Place it in different visible places so you can see it over and over. Some good places might be the refrigerator door, bathroom mirror, office, computer monitor, etc. You will get in down in your heart and become excited about it when you are constantly seeing and visualizing it. Visualize how good life will be once you accomplish that goal and fulfill that dream. Only those who have vision can really visualize.

Lastly, you need to share your vision with anyone and everyone. Share it with family, friends, co-workers, and church members. Some people may discourage you, but others will encourage you in this dream you have for yourself. It is also a form of accountability when you share your vision with others. They will ask how far along are you or how is it going? Another thing, on this road of accomplishing your goals people will come along side you who can help. They may help you with simple words of affirmation and encouragement. They may help with resources, instruction, and training. People cannot help if they do not know what you need help with. The fact of the matter is we all need help. It was never designed by God for us to do things by ourselves with no help from anyone. We need each other to fulfill the goals, dreams, and vision we have for our lives.

Monotone is boring and lacks excitement. Get your bullhorn out and begin to broadcast your vision. Don't allow anything or anyone to stop you. Aside from transferring the vision from your head to your heart; you have it written down so you can go back to it when life hits you with temporary setbacks or when people share discouraging words. Continue in the excitement and let the vision for your life be your motivation as well as people and life saying you cannot do it.

Tagged

2008-02-19T15:07:00.006-05:00

I remember growing up we use to play a game called "tag". I am sure you remember playing this game with the neighborhood kids. One or more kids would count to 10 and then chase other kids to tag them and they would be what we called "it". The kids who were tagged were the next ones to count, chase, and tag kids. A couple other things I think of when I think about the word "tagged" is when graffiti artist tagged walls with spray paint or when people get tagged with a tatoo somewhere on their body.

There is another form of being tagged that can really have an impact on a person's life and many times they do not even know it. We all get tagged with words some good and some not so good. Words can have a profound impact on someone's life. Profound, because words mold and shape us into the very thing spoken about or to us and can last a lifetime. Have you ever heard statements like these before? "You will never amount to anything." "You are a nobody." "You can't do anything right." "You are so stupid." "You were an acident." "Why can't you be more like your brother/sister?" "You're just no good." "You are never going to succeed in life." "You can't accomplish that." Have these judgments or others like these ever been spoken over you? How have they shaped your life? What limitations do you place on yourself because of statements like these? What will you do about judgments family, friends, co-workers, and others have made?

In the game of tag you can avoid being tagged by running faster than the person chasing you to tag you. Grafitti can be removed from walls by being painted over. Not too long ago it was discovered that tatoos can be removed with laser treatment. Words, statements, and judgments can also be removed from a person's life.

It is not a matter of if we will be tagged with words, but when we will be tagged. The next time someone tags you what are you going to do about it? How are you going to combat the negative statement verbalized to you? Well, you can get into a fist fight with the person or tell them off, but those are probably not good solutions. However, you can correct the individual by telling them their statement is not true. Yet, the issue is not so much about the person who spoke as it is about the one hearing it. What will you do with it when you hear it?

If there is some truth to the statement, use it as motivation rather than getting discouraged by it. We have all done some stupid things, but that does not make us stupid. We have all failed in certain ways, but that does not mean we are a failure. Don't allow words to saturate and penetrate you. You cannot control what people say about or to you, but you can control what kind of impact it has on you. There are so many people marked up with negative and abusive words just like the person who has tatoos all over their body. You do not have to allow these types of words to place their mark on you and define you. You have the power to cause them to have little to no impact on your life rather than a huge impact on your life. Next time there is negative talk directed at you, reverse it and make it positive. You can also refuse it by telling yourself "that is not who I am".

Lastly, you can meditate or think on other things. Don't dwell on what is wrong, negative, or bad in your life. Instead, reflect on those things which are good, positive, pure, just, true, right, honorable, and commendable. A word spoken can only have as much impact in your life as you allow. Bring the wrong statement to a halt after you have heard it and think on something else. You have then caused the negative speech to die. It is when we dwell on the negative things long enough that we begin to believe them. The same is true if we consider and reflect on positive things. You are what you think.

A personal and professional coach may be right for you. Coaching can help you set and achieve goals, make life changes, overcome procrastination, thought patterns, obstacles; discover your life purpose, get out of a rut, and move forward. Visit www.morphcoaching.com today.

Concrete Resolutions

2008-01-31T13:07:00.008-05:00

January is usually the month when people make resolutions for the new year they are about to embark on. We review and take account of what was done the previous year and what was not done; what we did accomplish or not accomplish. I believe it is absolutely a good thing to examine and take inventory of our life to see where we are, where we are going, and where we have been. There are things we will find that we do not like and things going on in our life that we do like.

However, I don't know that we should wait a whole year before we review our life. We should take inventory every couple of months. This will help us to stay aligned with goals we have set for ourselves. The review will show us how much or how little we have accomplished. It also gives us the opportunity to change and expand our goals. If we review our lives on a more consistent basis, we are more likely to remember the goals we have set and we will press on in achieving them.

Another thing I encourage people to do is to write down their goals. Let's face it, life happens and things we did not expect to take place sometimes do. Life is full of surprises. We can get so caught up with life happenning and get discouraged to the point we forget our goals and they soon become a thing of the past. Before we know it another year has gone by and we still have the same goals to accomplish that we have had for the past 3 years. How might you change that this year?

One of the reasons people do not succeed in their New Year's resolutions is that their goals are not concrete. We often speak in general terms. We say stuff like, "I want to look better", "I need to lose some weight", "I want to feel better about myself", "I want to have a better marriage", "I'd like to make more money", "I want to be a better person", and the general list goes on and on. We must get more specific about what "better" and "more" means. How much more and how much better would you be satisfied with? Our goals will usually start out in general terms, but then we must make them solid. We must attach arms and legs to them. How do we accomplish that? Simple, just be more specific about what it is you truly want. What do you really want to see happen with your marriage, relationship, friendships, finances, career, attitude, lifestyle, etc? What specificly is your heart revealing to you to change about any aspect of your life? Make your goal(s) as specific as you can. Be specific about what exactly you want, when you want to accomplish it, and how you will accomplish it.

For example, your general goal might be to lose some weight. How much weight would you be satisfied losing? When would you like to have that weight off? Remember, be specific, but also realistic. Now, a concrete goal for losing weight might look something like this. "My goal is to lose 50 lbs. in 6 months through exercise and a reformed eating regiment." Another example, your general goal might be to build a better marriage this year. What is "better" to you? That can mean communicating more, more romance, not yelling or fighting, respecting eachother, and the list can go on and on. Having a better marriage to you means something different for your friend desiring to create a better marriage. A concrete goal for a better marriage might look something like this. "My goal is to build a deeper intimate relationship with my wife by sitting down with her after work and listening to her share with me about her day 3 times a week for the entire year."

You can see why it is important to write your goals down. Specificity takes details and many times we do not remember details. Usually, we remember the general goal. Also, if you do not write it down, how will you know if and when you have accomplished the goal. A true concrete goal is one that is specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-specific. This is how you can tell a concrete goal from a general goal. Take your time and think about what goals you long to achieve this year. Write them down in general terms first. Then, write down exactly what you desire to accomplish and by when. You will be excited about the action plan you have come up with and you will have placed yourself on a good foundation of successfully accomplishing your resolutions for this year.

A personal and professional coach may be right for you. Coaching can help you set and achieve goals, make life changes, overcome procrastination and obstacles, find your life purpose, get out of a rut, and move forward. Visit http://www.morphcoaching.com/ today.

What Do You Want?

2007-08-27T20:20:00.000-05:00

What do you want to see happen in your life? Do you desire to be married? Would you like to go to college? Do you want to make more money? Would you like to have children? Do you want to make a career change? What do you want?

You need to answer that very simple, but complex question. It is a simple question to ask yourself, but it is complex in that the answer may not be as easy. The answer to that question may take some time and thought. It may take looking back at your life to see where you have been. You may need to look at what you are doing now and if you are being fulfilled. This is not a question to answer too quickly; it can cost you if you do and I am not just talking finances either.

After you have answered this question, it leads into another you must answer. Are you willing to put the necessary effort forth to get where you envision yourself being? Have you counted the cost? What will it cost you financially, relationally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually? Are you willing to pay the price to get to your desired destination? It is never an easy road. There will be challenges, surprises, and temptations. The challenges you may face probably will cause you to think it is just too hard to continue, so you might as well throw in the towel. The surprises may frustrate you to the point you want to scream. The temptation to cut corners may constantly confront you to the end that you give into it. Are you willing to work hard and work through to go where you want to be?

The diligent count the cost beforehand and move full steam ahead. The slacker does not and so he/she tries to find easier ways to get where they want to be. Don't be discouraged at the long road in front of you. The end goal may be far away, but enjoy the journey and celebrate the mini goals or steps achieved as you keep moving toward the end goal. Use these small victories to motivate you to keep going. When you have some victories under your belt, look back and see how far you have come. You can have what you dream of having in life if you go about it properly. Pursue what you want!

Hiring a life coach may be right for you. Coaching can help you set and achieve goals, make life changes, overcome procrastination and obstacles, find your life purpose, get out of a rut, and move forward. Visit http://www.morphcoaching.com/.

What's The Pay Off?

2007-05-21T15:59:00.000-05:00

What is robbing you of your joy? What is causing harm to you rather than benefiting you? If it is not benefiting you and those around you, then it is taking away from you. What is bringing frustration to your life? It could be something as easy as your attitude or it could be something tougher like a deep rooted pain or hurt you experienced years ago, but never dealt with. If it is a deep rooted issue that troubles you today, allow me to suggest that you pick up the phone and call a counselor who can help you get passed that. Maybe you are not dealing with a deep rooted issue. What is it then that is not benefiting your life? Could it be drugs, alcohol, or gambling? Could it be hatred, anger, bitterness, or unforgiveness? I encourage you to be honest with yourself right now and examine your life. You know exactly what is and what is not benefiting your life. You do not need someone to tell you. How is that particular thing robbing from you? What affect does it have on your spouse, family, friends, and co-workers? How is it distancing others from you? How is it affecting your life? What kind of momentary benefit does it bring to you and is it worth the price you pay? Be honest with yourself; forget everyone else and just examine yourself.

The good thing is, it doesn't matter whether it is an addiction, an attitude, or a certain way of living; we can change it. It may require we get outside assistance. It may simply be something we recognize that is affecting us negatively and applying the positive opposite would change it for the better. One thing is very clear, it will take work. It will take work in the sense of practicing the new behavior or lifestyle change. Think of how long you have been doing that particular thing that has not brought benefit to your life; it is ingrained in you to do it that way. You must practice a new habit everyday for at least 30 days and probably longer before it becomes a regular part of your day to day life. It must become a habit and it takes time and effort to build a habit.

First things first, pinpoint exactly what is taking away or not benefiting you. Next, place a new habit in place of this old habit. Thirdly, practice this new habit every chance you get. Now, there will be times you will revert back to your old ways; it is not the end of the world. Whatever you do, do not make excuses for it or try to justify it. Simply see how you arrived there, so you can see what exactly triggered you reverting back to your old way. It may be a friend that you can no longer associate yourself with or it may be a place you can no longer go to. It may be people that trigger a certain attitude. If that is the case, you have got to change your attitude and not necessarily the people. In other words, if you find yourself getting easily angered or frustrated with people or circumstances, then you need to acknowledge that is something you do and change it. You change it by first acknowledging it as something you do not desire to do any longer. Then, when the time comes that you feel it coming on, suppress it and exchange it for a better attitude. Know what kind of attitude you want to exchange it for in advance or else this will not work.

Again, the bottom line is that it will take work in order to bring the necessary changes we desire to our lives. We must practice the new way of living, new attitude, new outlook, and new way of conducting ourselves. It will take some time, but it will be well worth it. Think about it, you can remain like you are or you can make life better for yourself and those around you. You can remain like you are and keep allowing that particular thing to keep taking away from you or you can change it. The change is worth it if it brings benefit and enjoyment of life to you and others around you.

Let's not give up; we all have weaknesses that we need to tend to and work on. We can all better ourselves and in bettering ourselves, we make it easier for others we come in contact with and we can even make this world a better place.

If you would like more information on hiring a life coach to help you set and achieve goals, make life changes, overcome procrastination and obstacles, find your life purpose, get out of a rut and move forward, etc; visit www.morphcoaching.com.

Be All You Can Be

2007-05-15T20:34:00.000-05:00

Why do we limit ourselves? We often look at other people and wish we had what they have or was gifted as they are. We wish we had the talents and skills other people possess that we do not. Have you ever thought about what skills and talents are? It becomes a skill or a talent to an individual, because they have practiced and worked countless hours to make it a skill or talent. Sure, some people are naturally gifted; this does not mean they do not ever have to practice or put forth effort to further learn their skill. We often see a person who is gifted, talented, or skilled and we envy their ability to do a particular thing or things very well. We rarely think about what it took to get them there. They did not just arrive where they are with the skill or ability they have. We did not see them go to school for their ability. We did not see them read many books about their skill. We did not see the many hours they put forth in practice to become better talented. No, all we see is a polished product. This can be very deceiving if we only look at where the person is now and do not look at how they got to where they presently are.

You must realize you can be and do whatever you are willing to work for. Those who are diligent, determined, and motivated to work toward learning a particular skill or skills are the ones others wish they could be. You can learn whatever skill, talent, and ability you want. Remember, they can be learned. Are you willing to spend countless hours practicing or learning? Are you willing to go back to school or to seminars? Are you willing to work hard? It is going to take more than desire for you to be all you can be. You must put action to your desire. Don't settle for mediocrity; be all you desire to be.

Morph Coaching helps people think through, set, and achieve goals for their personal and professional lives. If you would like more information about coaching, visit www.morphcoaching.com.

Are You Living Your True Self?

2007-05-01T20:59:00.000-05:00

Many people today are not living their true self. Many people believe certain things about themselves, but it rarely shows up in their actions. Between beliefs and actions are a person's values. What do you value? If you truly value it, then it will show up in your actions. You may say you value something, but that does not mean you do. Values have little to do with talk, but everything to do with walk. For example, you may say you value your car, but if you never wash it or take it in to the auto mechanic for maintenance, then you do not truly value your car. You may say you value your spouse, but if you do not spend quality time with them you do not value them. You are only fooling yourself. Values are your core beliefs and they show up in your actions. You will live out what you value.

Be honest with yourself; are you really living your true self? If not, what are you going to do about it? Do you get frustrated and angry easy? This could be because you are not living out your desired values. After examining yourself you may realize you have some values you do not particularly like. The good news is you can change your values. Remember, values deal with how you act and you can change how you act. In other words, if you thought you valued honesty, but after inspecting yourself you see dishonesty actually shows up more often than you would like; you can change that. The first step to change is being honest about what your values are right now. Identify the ones that you do not want to be a part of your life. One way you can identify present values is by looking at what things, people, and places are most important in your life right now. Then ask yourself what benefits these things, people, and places bring to your life. What benefit do you receive from them? The things you value will show up more than once. Another way to see what your values are is simply by realizing what values are expressed in your daily life. You can also ask family members or close friends to tell you what they believe you value. They know you best and have seen your life up close and personal. Identifying your values is not too tough, but making the changes you want will be the challenging part. My suggestion would be to find a close friend or family member who can help hold you accountable to the changes you desire to make. If you do not have someone that can fulfill the role, you might consider hiring a life coach. A life coach's specialty is getting an individual from where they presently are to where they desire to be. You can visit www.morphcoaching.com for more information about coaching.

Remember, you have the power to change your values. Don't waste another moment being frustrated, angry, or sorrowful. Begin changing your values from what they are to what you desire them to be. When you are living your true self you enjoy life more. You look forward to life more because you will surround yourself with people, places, and things that help you express your values. Start on your journey to living your true self today!

Can You Believe It?

2007-04-02T14:26:00.000-05:00

We are already embarking upon the fourth month of year 2007. Can you believe it? Where did the last 3 months go? Think about that for a moment; where did the last 3 months go for you? 3 months ago you set goals or made resolutions for 2007. It is now the fourth month of the year; have you at least begun on those goals or resolutions? If not, why not? Have you set yourself up for failure by simply not starting and forgetting about what resolutions you made? Why have you not moved forward toward achieving your goals? What are you afraid of? Have you been asking yourself the question, "what if I don't succeed"? What if you do succeed? What if you do accomplish the goal? What if you did achieve the resolution you made? What if you earned more money this year? What if you created a more intimate relationship with your spouse this year? What if you formed better relationships with your children this year? What if you started a business? What if you received the promotion? What if you met the person of your dreams? What if you went to college? What if you truly enjoyed life this year? What if you succeeded?

Don't sit around wondering and wasting more time. Success and prosperity is truly within your grasp. You have the ability to change your life, but it requires that you do something. You can make all the resolutions you want, but resolutions do not bring change. Attitude and action brings about change. It's already the fourth month; can you believe it? Well, it's no lie; it is already April 2007. Do not waste another day. What goals did you set for 2007? Remind yourself of what they were. Start going after them today. It is not enough to have desire. Put on the right attitude and put action to your desire. You can succeed!

The "P" Word

2007-02-24T11:05:00.000-05:00

You guessed it, procrastination! Procrastination by definition is to put off intentionally the doing of something that should be done. It also means to put off intentionally and habitually. The Wikipedia states that procrastination is the deferment or avoidance of an action or task. "For the person procrastinating this may result in stress, a sense of guilt, the loss of productivity, the creation of crisis, and the disapproval of others for not fulfilling one's responsibilities or commitments."

Why do we procrastinate? What resolution, goal, or dream did we set the beginning of the year, last year, or years gone by that is still yet to be fulfilled because of procrastination. I believe we procrastinate because we make excuses for not doing something. We procrastinate so we do not have to change since it takes effort to change things. We procrastinate for the very fact that effort itself requires energy, time, planning and we already live very busy lives. We also procrastinate because there is little to no motivation.

First, we must have vision. If we do not have vision or a dream we will go nowhere. We will remain stuck in the same daily routine day in and day out. Nobody can change that for you except for yourself. Get a vision for your life. Get a vision for bettering your life. Get a dream for living the life you desire. Second, stop making excuses for why you cannot have what you are dreaming of. Stop saying you do not have time or the finances. Look at your life and lifestyle and begin making the necessary changes to move you in the direction of having more time and finances. We all have needs, but a lot of things we have are "wants". Third, you must get a new attitude. It takes hard work, sweat, and tears to get what you want. It will not just fall on your lap one day. You have to go out and get it. You have to work for it. Lastly, you must be motivated in order to overcome procrastination with determination. The dream or goal may not be enough to motivate you, although it is a start. What affect will the dream or goal have on others when it is achieved? How might working toward the dream impact your life? Other motivations include people and situations. Allowing a negative situation or a negative speaking person to push you forward rather than discourage you can be good motivation.

I have found that most people usually need someone to walk the journey with them. We cannot nor should we try to do things alone. Have you ever thought of how dependent we are upon one another in order to accomplish our dreams? We are dependent on people in the present, past, and future. People in the past, whether it was our parents, grandparents, or others had to pave the way to open doors we are walking through today. The same is true in the present and the future. The fact is we need each other and we need to get used to it and embrace it. Some may also need the added benefit and motivation of a life coach who can help you stay on track to achieving your goals and dreams. You can visit http://www.morphcoaching.com/ for information about hiring a coach

Don't give up! Put the necessary measures in place to stay focused and motivated. Get procrastination out of your vocabulary and life and start accomplishing your dreams. What specific action will you take tomorrow to begin moving in the direction of fulfilling your dream?

The Easy Part

2007-01-30T22:11:00.000-05:00

Have you ever noticed that the easy part to making changes in your life is the decision? Deciding to do something is the easy part. Putting that decision to action is a little tougher. Now, I am not saying it is impossible, but it is tougher. For example, you may know that exercise is good for you and so you make the decision to start exercising, but actually setting the time to start and begin exercising is another story. If only we could just make the decision and since we made the decision; we would automatically do what we decided. However, life does not work that way. We must make the decision and act on that decision. We may have a desire to achieve something, but until we put action to that desire; it will remain just that, a desire. This is why many people find themselves in ruts or at a stand still in certain areas of their life. They think because they have passion, desire, drive, heart, etc. they will just jump right in and accomplish what they decide, but there is more to it. You must act on your passion, desire, drive, heart, etc. I can decide to read a certain book, but until I pick up the book and begin to read it my decision is useless. I can decide to put applications in for a new job, but until I go out to possible job opportunities and fill out applications; nothing is going to happen. Do not get me wrong, making a decision is good. Having vision and dreaming dreams are good, but that is only the starting block. There is still a race to run if you want to be successful. The decision is the easy part; acting on that decision can be challenging, but it is very doable. Next time you make a decision to do something, set a date to begin or have it completed. Do not procrastinate or you might find it being one of your 2008 New Year's resolutions.

Life coaches help many people with this very issue. Coaching helps people pinpoint their goals, set practical steps to achieve them, and designate a time to have it completed. However, the biggest advantage to coaching is healthy accountability. Most people do not have accountability in their lives. A good push from a coach may be just what you need. If you would like more information on coaching for your professional or personal life, you can visit www.morphcoaching.com or call 239.438.8494.

Improve Your Life In 2007 - Invest In YOU

2007-01-01T18:22:00.000-05:00

Many people around the world are making new year's resolutions. Some desire to drop a few pounds, some want to get a promotion, some plan on starting a new career, some wish to make more money, some plan to be a better person overall, and the list goes on and on. Resolutions are good, but the problem is very few people follow through on them. Is it because they were not serious about what they stated they would like to accomplish in the new year? Not necessarily so. Was the resolution just to big a goal to achieve? This could be part of the problem. However, the biggest setback I have seen as I have counseled and coached people is that most people do not have someone to hold them accountable to their resolutions. Consequently, they can start off on the right foot pursuing what they want to accomplish, but as soon as opposition comes; it's quiting time. They do not have someone who will push them to their fullest potential and help them overcome the temporary opposition. Everyone knows change is not easy; this is why many people hate change. If change was easy, then everyone would do it. However, change is not easy; it usually rubs us the wrong way. But, in order to accomplish our goals, fulfill our passions, or reach our dreams it's going to take change. Change in our mindset, change in the way we see ourselves, change in our lifestyle, change of eating habits, change of behavior and attitude, etc. There again, most people I believe desire to change and set really good new year's resolutions, but since they lack accountability; they end up laying aside the resolution. That resolution then becomes next year's resolution and then next year's and so on. My suggestion is to find a family member or close friend that you can count on to help you fulfill your good intentions. If you do not have someone who can step into that role, you may consider hiring a life coach. Don't allow another year to go by without achieving those goals you really want to reach. This is the year, this is the time; live your best life today. Invest in yourself this year!

What Can You and Your Life Coach Work On?

2006-12-11T18:32:00.000-05:00

Many people still do not know what a life coach does or even what life coaching is. To answer that question, let's ask another question. What can you and your life coach work on? The simple answer is, just about anything. A life coach is not usually an expert in a specific field. Life coaches are change experts. Some coaches do define their coaching to a specific niche and usually this is because they have a passion for that specific area. Maybe you have heard of business coaches, relationship coaches, family coaches, life transition coaches, leadership coaches, and the list goes on. These and others are simply specified niches that a coach may choose. However, a life coach is not an expert in any of these areas. A life coach is not an expert, because he/she does not need to be an expert in any area. A life coach is not an advice-giver; he/she is a listener. A life coach believes in people and believes that people know their own lives better than anyone else. A life coach knows that a "one size fits all" for all people does not exist. Every person is different and their are so many variables that come into play that can make individuals so different. You and your life coach can work on just about anything, because you are the expert of your life. You know your lifestyle, family, profession, marriage, behavior, attitudes, children, goals, habits, and dreams better than anyone else. A life coach can help you to improve your life quicker than you would if you go at it by yourself. A life coach also pushes you to go for the maximum, instead of the bare minimum. Again, a life coach is not an advice-giver, so what is a life coach's method of choice? It is the art of listening and asking. Your life coach believes in you and believes you already know the answer. He/she must simply draw it out of you using good listening skills and asking powerful questions. So, what can you and your life coach work on together? The simple answer, anything!

No Control Of

2006-11-20T12:48:00.000-05:00

One thing we must remind ourselves of is that we cannot change all things and we most definitely cannot change people. Sometimes we dispense energy trying to change people, but the fact of the matter is we can only change ourselves. People around us can only change themselves. There is no use in getting aggravated and frustrated about how much you wish someone would change their behavior, attitude, or how they do things. You cannot make them change; they will change whatever and whenever they want to change. You might as well change how you act or react to people you would like to change, because if you don't, you will get upset about it every time. You and I have absolutely no control of other people. Concentrate on your own life instead of wasting energy trying to change things and people you have no control of.

Setting Goals

2006-11-18T12:50:00.000-05:00

In order to properly set goals we must keep a few things in mind. Many times people do not achieve the goals they set simply because they are not clearly defined. Next time you set a goal, keep these five steps in mind. First, make sure the goal is specific to the point that you can describe it to people. Second, it needs to be measurable. You need to be able to know you have achieved it. Next, it must be attainable; a goal is not attainable if someone or something controls the outcome of it. We cannot change people and there are certain things in life we cannot change either. Next, it must be relevant; it must be something that compliments your beliefs and values. The goal must be relevant to your lifestyle. Lastly, the goal must be time specific. In order to properly set a goal, it must have a date attached to it. This is what you call a S.M.A.R.T. goal.

Specific
Measurable
Attainable
Relevant
Time specific

A Life Coach

2006-11-11T13:58:00.000-05:00

A life coach helps others find focus and direction for their lives and careers. A life coach can help you change a destructive habit into a healthy one, set goals and achieve them, develop new skills, to dream big, etc. A life coach is someone who will give you undivided attention and ask you powerful questions to help you get from where you are presently to where you desire to be. A life coach is your greatest cheerleader, encourager, and one who will hold you accountable to action steps you decide to take to reach your destination.

What is a Coach?

2006-11-11T12:18:00.000-05:00

In the 1500s the word coach described a horse-drawn vehicle that would take people from one place to another. Many years later, in the 1880s, coach was given an athletic meaning, identifying the person who tutored university students in their rowing on the Cam River in Cambridge. This use of the word remained and coaches became known as people who help athletes move from one place to another. Over time the word also became associated with musicians, public speakers, and actors who rely on coaches to improve their skills, overcome obstacles, remain focused, and get to where they want to be. Coaching might have stayed in the realm of sports and entertainment, but it made its presence known in the corporate world too. The coaching principles that athletes and performers used soon became relevant to the business community. According to Fortune magazine, coaching has become the "hottest thing in management" today. However, coaching now goes beyond the business world and people are turning to nutritional coaches, fitness coaches, financial coaches, public speaking coaches, relationship coaches, family coaches, and what have become known as "life coaches". At its core coaching is the art and practice of guiding a person or group from where they are toward the greater competence and fulfillment they desire.