Concrete Resolutions

January is usually the month when people make resolutions for the new year they are about to embark on. We review and take account of what was done the previous year and what was not done; what we did accomplish or not accomplish. I believe it is absolutely a good thing to examine and take inventory of our life to see where we are, where we are going, and where we have been. There are things we will find that we do not like and things going on in our life that we do like.

However, I don't know that we should wait a whole year before we review our life. We should take inventory every couple of months. This will help us to stay aligned with goals we have set for ourselves. The review will show us how much or how little we have accomplished. It also gives us the opportunity to change and expand our goals. If we review our lives on a more consistent basis, we are more likely to remember the goals we have set and we will press on in achieving them.

Another thing I encourage people to do is to write down their goals. Let's face it, life happens and things we did not expect to take place sometimes do. Life is full of surprises. We can get so caught up with life happenning and get discouraged to the point we forget our goals and they soon become a thing of the past. Before we know it another year has gone by and we still have the same goals to accomplish that we have had for the past 3 years. How might you change that this year?

One of the reasons people do not succeed in their New Year's resolutions is that their goals are not concrete. We often speak in general terms. We say stuff like, "I want to look better", "I need to lose some weight", "I want to feel better about myself", "I want to have a better marriage", "I'd like to make more money", "I want to be a better person", and the general list goes on and on. We must get more specific about what "better" and "more" means. How much more and how much better would you be satisfied with? Our goals will usually start out in general terms, but then we must make them solid. We must attach arms and legs to them. How do we accomplish that? Simple, just be more specific about what it is you truly want. What do you really want to see happen with your marriage, relationship, friendships, finances, career, attitude, lifestyle, etc? What specificly is your heart revealing to you to change about any aspect of your life? Make your goal(s) as specific as you can. Be specific about what exactly you want, when you want to accomplish it, and how you will accomplish it.

For example, your general goal might be to lose some weight. How much weight would you be satisfied losing? When would you like to have that weight off? Remember, be specific, but also realistic. Now, a concrete goal for losing weight might look something like this. "My goal is to lose 50 lbs. in 6 months through exercise and a reformed eating regiment." Another example, your general goal might be to build a better marriage this year. What is "better" to you? That can mean communicating more, more romance, not yelling or fighting, respecting eachother, and the list can go on and on. Having a better marriage to you means something different for your friend desiring to create a better marriage. A concrete goal for a better marriage might look something like this. "My goal is to build a deeper intimate relationship with my wife by sitting down with her after work and listening to her share with me about her day 3 times a week for the entire year."

You can see why it is important to write your goals down. Specificity takes details and many times we do not remember details. Usually, we remember the general goal. Also, if you do not write it down, how will you know if and when you have accomplished the goal. A true concrete goal is one that is specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-specific. This is how you can tell a concrete goal from a general goal. Take your time and think about what goals you long to achieve this year. Write them down in general terms first. Then, write down exactly what you desire to accomplish and by when. You will be excited about the action plan you have come up with and you will have placed yourself on a good foundation of successfully accomplishing your resolutions for this year.


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Are You Living Your True Self?

Many people today are not living their true self. Many people believe certain things about themselves, but it rarely shows up in their actions. Between beliefs and actions are a person's values. What do you value? If you truly value it, then it will show up in your actions. You may say you value something, but that does not mean you do. Values have little to do with talk, but everything to do with walk. For example, you may say you value your car, but if you never wash it or take it in to the auto mechanic for maintenance, then you do not truly value your car. You may say you value your spouse, but if you do not spend quality time with them you do not value them. You are only fooling yourself. Values are your core beliefs and they show up in your actions. You will live out what you value.

Be honest with yourself; are you really living your true self? If not, what are you going to do about it? Do you get frustrated and angry easy? This could be because you are not living out your desired values. After examining yourself you may realize you have some values you do not particularly like. The good news is you can change your values. Remember, values deal with how you act and you can change how you act. In other words, if you thought you valued honesty, but after inspecting yourself you see dishonesty actually shows up more often than you would like; you can change that. The first step to change is being honest about what your values are right now. Identify the ones that you do not want to be a part of your life. One way you can identify present values is by looking at what things, people, and places are most important in your life right now. Then ask yourself what benefits these things, people, and places bring to your life. What benefit do you receive from them? The things you value will show up more than once. Another way to see what your values are is simply by realizing what values are expressed in your daily life. You can also ask family members or close friends to tell you what they believe you value. They know you best and have seen your life up close and personal. Identifying your values is not too tough, but making the changes you want will be the challenging part. My suggestion would be to find a close friend or family member who can help hold you accountable to the changes you desire to make. If you do not have someone that can fulfill the role, you might consider hiring a life coach. A life coach's specialty is getting an individual from where they presently are to where they desire to be. You can visit www.morphcoaching.com for more information about coaching.

Remember, you have the power to change your values. Don't waste another moment being frustrated, angry, or sorrowful. Begin changing your values from what they are to what you desire them to be. When you are living your true self you enjoy life more. You look forward to life more because you will surround yourself with people, places, and things that help you express your values. Start on your journey to living your true self today!

No Control Of

One thing we must remind ourselves of is that we cannot change all things and we most definitely cannot change people. Sometimes we dispense energy trying to change people, but the fact of the matter is we can only change ourselves. People around us can only change themselves. There is no use in getting aggravated and frustrated about how much you wish someone would change their behavior, attitude, or how they do things. You cannot make them change; they will change whatever and whenever they want to change. You might as well change how you act or react to people you would like to change, because if you don't, you will get upset about it every time. You and I have absolutely no control of other people. Concentrate on your own life instead of wasting energy trying to change things and people you have no control of.