Asset

Thinking about the Needs of Others

We can be selfish people can’t we? We can get so focused and consumed with “me” that we do not pay any attention to the people around us. I think of a husband who is so wrapped up in his job or business. He works 60 plus hours trying to climb to the top or works hard to make his business successful. If you ask that husband if he loves his family, you will get an emphatic yes with a response like, “That’s why I am working so much” or “I am doing this for them”. The reality is he is not working long hours for his wife and children. The opposite actually is true; he is working long days for himself. I think of times when I saw someone pulled off to the side of the road and did not stop to see if they needed a hand or to make a phone call. I just wanted to get home and shave, get a shower, and relax. I think of the retail salesperson who is more interested in me walking out with a 50” plasma TV for $2,500 than he is about actually spending time to answer questions and give honest answers. I think of the car salesman who just wants to sell his next car that he’ll say anything.

On ABC’s Primetime segment “What Would You Do?” we watch as many men and women walk by individuals in their time of need. We rationalize in our minds that we should not get involved in other people’s business. We allow fear to grip and paralyze us from taking some type of action. No matter what the situation we must use wisdom in dealing with it. However, we can do something can’t we? It is pure selfishness on our part if we see someone being abused in some way or hurting and not do anything about it. We can at least do something.

We can really be selfish. In fact, it is built within us. We have a selfish nature. We do not have to work at it; we are selfish by nature. Like a lion, bear, or shark are killers by nature; we are selfish by nature. If we just act normal, we will usually act selfish. Remember when we were kids? Everything was mine. We would throw some of the worse tantrums if we didn’t get our way. Maybe you have children or grandchildren right now who do these very things. Granted a baby should be selfish, but as we grow up that selfishness does not leave us. So really it is abnormal to be selfless. In other words, it is something that does not come natural. If we desire to do it more, then we must work at it.

How do we become less selfish and become more selfless? The simple answer to that is we think about the needs of others more. We pay more attention to what is going on in the lives of those around us and in our community. People by and large want to do the right thing and are generally good. I believe if more people were selfless it would change the face of our community, state, nation, and the world. Look at it this way, if you were in a desperate situation and needed another person’s assistance, how would it make you feel that somebody came to your rescue? If we want to be treated with respect and dignity, we should treat others the same. If we would like to be helped and cared for in the time of need, we should help and care for others in their time of need. Simply reminding ourselves to do to others what we want done to ourselves is a good start.

We must also rid ourselves of present “selfish” habits and start new ones. If I have the habit of not assisting my wife with the children, laundry, or the dishes then I can start building a new habit today by helping her with those things. If I have never taken the time to sit in the stands and watch my son play football or my daughter’s basketball game then I can change that and begin today to do so. How easy is it to change present habits? It is as easy as doing the opposite of what I have been doing. However, that is the challenge. It is easy to think about doing the opposite of what I have been doing, but actually doing it is the challenge. It is also easy to change a present habit for one day, but can you change it for 30 consecutive days? This is how present habits become a thing of the past.

Believe me, I am not saying that we should not accomplish and fulfill things for ourselves. Although, I am saying there should be a balance. I am also saying there is a better way to have that sense of fulfillment and accomplishment and that is through helping others. How awesome is it to put a smile on someone’s face that just a few moments ago were terribly sad? It makes you feel good inside to give a couple bucks to someone who could use a meal. It feels good to help an elderly person with their groceries. It’s fulfilling to help someone on the side of the road put a spare tire on. I have had the great privilege of visiting third world countries and while the poverty grabs your attention immediately it is so fulfilling to help them with food, medicines, clothes, construction, etc. I personally believe it is more rewarding to be selfless than selfish.

What are some other practical things we can do to meet the needs of others? We can volunteer in many places. We can volunteer at a church. We can volunteer at Habitat for Humanity and help build a home for a needy family. We can serve at the local soup kitchen and help feed the hungry. We can visit neighbors and see if there is something around their house they can use a hand with. We can volunteer at an abused women’s shelter or homeless shelter. We can get involved in charitable events that help the less fortunate. We can financially support organizations that are making a good difference in our community. With minimal thought we can think of many ways to help others.

What opportunities to help and serve others have you missed? How can you change that and take full advantage of those opportunities? What new habits do you desire to start? Write them down and begin practicing them today. Start with your family. How can you show your spouse and children you love them? Write down ways you can show love through action to your family. What volunteer opportunities are available in your community? Research and write down places where you can volunteer. Make plans to visit those places this week. Who can you lend a helping hand to in your neighborhood or at work? A true asset in this world is the individual who cares for the needs of others more than they do their own. It is very fulfilling and gives a great sense of accomplishment. It truly is better to give than to receive.


Josh Perez is a Personal and Professional Coach helping individuals set and achieve goals, make life changes, overcome procrastination, thought patterns, obstacles; discover life purpose, get out of a rut, and move forward. Visit www.morphcoaching.com for more information about personal and professional coaching.

Monotone

Recasting Vision For Your Life

Who do you think of when you picture someone talking in monotone? I personally think of Ben Stein who did the Clear Eyes commercials a few years back. His voice remained at the same tone throughout the commercial. He did not show any excitement whatsoever in the product he was selling. He was just straightforward, to the point, and the commercial was over. Many people would probably describe him as boring. Now, I realize that is exactly what they wanted to accomplish in this commercial for whatever reason. However, the reality is that many people live their real lives this way. Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh was another one that talked in monotone and was not really excited about life. He made statements like, "When someone says, 'How do you do, just say that you didn't'" or "There are those who will wish you good morning. If it is a good morning, which I doubt", and even "And how are you?" said Winnie-the-Pooh. Eeyore shook his head from side to side. "Not very how," he said. "I don't seem to felt at all how for a long time." Eeyore could usually find something in anything to be disgruntled about.

What about you? How excited are you about life, career, marriage, relationships, finances, economy, religion, etc? We can hear so much negative from the news and radio stations that we get sucked up into it thinking our life and life itself is just plain old negative. It is amazing to me how human nature magnifies the negative so much. Something terrible happens in the United States and we have to broadcast it on every station for a whole week. We remember the mistakes, failures, and shortcomings of our spouse more than their strengths and victories. We say stuff like, "Man, it would be great if I got that promotion, but I probably wont". We count ourselves out without even trying.

We must be careful. Lacking in vision is not a good place to be at. What would be the purpose for living if you have no vision? People who have no vision can be angry and grumpy people. They are just mad at the world. Many people who did not have vision commit suicide. Do this exercise after you read it. Close your eyes tightly and answer this question. How awful would it be if you did not have your eyesight any longer? Go ahead and do it now. It is one thing to be born blind, but quite another thing to have your eyesight a good portion of your life and suddenly lose it totally. Some people would lose hope and could not live on any longer. Others would take on the challenge, learn this new way of life, and continue living. The same is true with vision for our life. Yes, there are many things that are negative around the world, but there are also positive things. The key is not to lose hope and continue having vision.

How do I do that? It starts with you becoming excited about life again. Next, what is your vision for your life? In other words, what would you like to see happen in your career or business, your marriage and children, finances, your relationship with God, friendships, your attitude, behavior, and lifestyle? Write that vision down. Write down exactly what you want to accomplish. Write down your goals for every area of your life you desire to work on. Do not speak in general terms about your goals; you must be specific. You can first write them down in general terms, but you must rewrite them afterwards in specific terms. In other words, having a better marriage or attitude is the general goal. Now, be more specific about what a better marriage or attitude looks like. How do you define your marriage being better? How do you define your attitude being better? What exactly do you need to do in order to achieve better? For more on how to set specific goals you can read my article Concrete Resolutions.

After you write the vision down you have to get it into your heart. Don't just write it down, place it in a folder, and put it away. Keep it before you all the time. Place it in different visible places so you can see it over and over. Some good places might be the refrigerator door, bathroom mirror, office, computer monitor, etc. You will get in down in your heart and become excited about it when you are constantly seeing and visualizing it. Visualize how good life will be once you accomplish that goal and fulfill that dream. Only those who have vision can really visualize.

Lastly, you need to share your vision with anyone and everyone. Share it with family, friends, co-workers, and church members. Some people may discourage you, but others will encourage you in this dream you have for yourself. It is also a form of accountability when you share your vision with others. They will ask how far along are you or how is it going? Another thing, on this road of accomplishing your goals people will come along side you who can help. They may help you with simple words of affirmation and encouragement. They may help with resources, instruction, and training. People cannot help if they do not know what you need help with. The fact of the matter is we all need help. It was never designed by God for us to do things by ourselves with no help from anyone. We need each other to fulfill the goals, dreams, and vision we have for our lives.

Monotone is boring and lacks excitement. Get your bullhorn out and begin to broadcast your vision. Don't allow anything or anyone to stop you. Aside from transferring the vision from your head to your heart; you have it written down so you can go back to it when life hits you with temporary setbacks or when people share discouraging words. Continue in the excitement and let the vision for your life be your motivation as well as people and life saying you cannot do it.

Tagged

I remember growing up we use to play a game called "tag". I am sure you remember playing this game with the neighborhood kids. One or more kids would count to 10 and then chase other kids to tag them and they would be what we called "it". The kids who were tagged were the next ones to count, chase, and tag kids. A couple other things I think of when I think about the word "tagged" is when graffiti artist tagged walls with spray paint or when people get tagged with a tatoo somewhere on their body.

There is another form of being tagged that can really have an impact on a person's life and many times they do not even know it. We all get tagged with words some good and some not so good. Words can have a profound impact on someone's life. Profound, because words mold and shape us into the very thing spoken about or to us and can last a lifetime. Have you ever heard statements like these before? "You will never amount to anything." "You are a nobody." "You can't do anything right." "You are so stupid." "You were an acident." "Why can't you be more like your brother/sister?" "You're just no good." "You are never going to succeed in life." "You can't accomplish that." Have these judgments or others like these ever been spoken over you? How have they shaped your life? What limitations do you place on yourself because of statements like these? What will you do about judgments family, friends, co-workers, and others have made?

In the game of tag you can avoid being tagged by running faster than the person chasing you to tag you. Grafitti can be removed from walls by being painted over. Not too long ago it was discovered that tatoos can be removed with laser treatment. Words, statements, and judgments can also be removed from a person's life.

It is not a matter of if we will be tagged with words, but when we will be tagged. The next time someone tags you what are you going to do about it? How are you going to combat the negative statement verbalized to you? Well, you can get into a fist fight with the person or tell them off, but those are probably not good solutions. However, you can correct the individual by telling them their statement is not true. Yet, the issue is not so much about the person who spoke as it is about the one hearing it. What will you do with it when you hear it?

If there is some truth to the statement, use it as motivation rather than getting discouraged by it. We have all done some stupid things, but that does not make us stupid. We have all failed in certain ways, but that does not mean we are a failure. Don't allow words to saturate and penetrate you. You cannot control what people say about or to you, but you can control what kind of impact it has on you. There are so many people marked up with negative and abusive words just like the person who has tatoos all over their body. You do not have to allow these types of words to place their mark on you and define you. You have the power to cause them to have little to no impact on your life rather than a huge impact on your life. Next time there is negative talk directed at you, reverse it and make it positive. You can also refuse it by telling yourself "that is not who I am".

Lastly, you can meditate or think on other things. Don't dwell on what is wrong, negative, or bad in your life. Instead, reflect on those things which are good, positive, pure, just, true, right, honorable, and commendable. A word spoken can only have as much impact in your life as you allow. Bring the wrong statement to a halt after you have heard it and think on something else. You have then caused the negative speech to die. It is when we dwell on the negative things long enough that we begin to believe them. The same is true if we consider and reflect on positive things. You are what you think.

A personal and professional coach may be right for you. Coaching can help you set and achieve goals, make life changes, overcome procrastination, thought patterns, obstacles; discover your life purpose, get out of a rut, and move forward. Visit www.morphcoaching.com today.

Concrete Resolutions

January is usually the month when people make resolutions for the new year they are about to embark on. We review and take account of what was done the previous year and what was not done; what we did accomplish or not accomplish. I believe it is absolutely a good thing to examine and take inventory of our life to see where we are, where we are going, and where we have been. There are things we will find that we do not like and things going on in our life that we do like.

However, I don't know that we should wait a whole year before we review our life. We should take inventory every couple of months. This will help us to stay aligned with goals we have set for ourselves. The review will show us how much or how little we have accomplished. It also gives us the opportunity to change and expand our goals. If we review our lives on a more consistent basis, we are more likely to remember the goals we have set and we will press on in achieving them.

Another thing I encourage people to do is to write down their goals. Let's face it, life happens and things we did not expect to take place sometimes do. Life is full of surprises. We can get so caught up with life happenning and get discouraged to the point we forget our goals and they soon become a thing of the past. Before we know it another year has gone by and we still have the same goals to accomplish that we have had for the past 3 years. How might you change that this year?

One of the reasons people do not succeed in their New Year's resolutions is that their goals are not concrete. We often speak in general terms. We say stuff like, "I want to look better", "I need to lose some weight", "I want to feel better about myself", "I want to have a better marriage", "I'd like to make more money", "I want to be a better person", and the general list goes on and on. We must get more specific about what "better" and "more" means. How much more and how much better would you be satisfied with? Our goals will usually start out in general terms, but then we must make them solid. We must attach arms and legs to them. How do we accomplish that? Simple, just be more specific about what it is you truly want. What do you really want to see happen with your marriage, relationship, friendships, finances, career, attitude, lifestyle, etc? What specificly is your heart revealing to you to change about any aspect of your life? Make your goal(s) as specific as you can. Be specific about what exactly you want, when you want to accomplish it, and how you will accomplish it.

For example, your general goal might be to lose some weight. How much weight would you be satisfied losing? When would you like to have that weight off? Remember, be specific, but also realistic. Now, a concrete goal for losing weight might look something like this. "My goal is to lose 50 lbs. in 6 months through exercise and a reformed eating regiment." Another example, your general goal might be to build a better marriage this year. What is "better" to you? That can mean communicating more, more romance, not yelling or fighting, respecting eachother, and the list can go on and on. Having a better marriage to you means something different for your friend desiring to create a better marriage. A concrete goal for a better marriage might look something like this. "My goal is to build a deeper intimate relationship with my wife by sitting down with her after work and listening to her share with me about her day 3 times a week for the entire year."

You can see why it is important to write your goals down. Specificity takes details and many times we do not remember details. Usually, we remember the general goal. Also, if you do not write it down, how will you know if and when you have accomplished the goal. A true concrete goal is one that is specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-specific. This is how you can tell a concrete goal from a general goal. Take your time and think about what goals you long to achieve this year. Write them down in general terms first. Then, write down exactly what you desire to accomplish and by when. You will be excited about the action plan you have come up with and you will have placed yourself on a good foundation of successfully accomplishing your resolutions for this year.


A personal and professional coach may be right for you. Coaching can help you set and achieve goals, make life changes, overcome procrastination and obstacles, find your life purpose, get out of a rut, and move forward. Visit http://www.morphcoaching.com/ today.

What Do You Want?

What do you want to see happen in your life? Do you desire to be married? Would you like to go to college? Do you want to make more money? Would you like to have children? Do you want to make a career change? What do you want?

You need to answer that very simple, but complex question. It is a simple question to ask yourself, but it is complex in that the answer may not be as easy. The answer to that question may take some time and thought. It may take looking back at your life to see where you have been. You may need to look at what you are doing now and if you are being fulfilled. This is not a question to answer too quickly; it can cost you if you do and I am not just talking finances either.

After you have answered this question, it leads into another you must answer. Are you willing to put the necessary effort forth to get where you envision yourself being? Have you counted the cost? What will it cost you financially, relationally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually? Are you willing to pay the price to get to your desired destination? It is never an easy road. There will be challenges, surprises, and temptations. The challenges you may face probably will cause you to think it is just too hard to continue, so you might as well throw in the towel. The surprises may frustrate you to the point you want to scream. The temptation to cut corners may constantly confront you to the end that you give into it. Are you willing to work hard and work through to go where you want to be?

The diligent count the cost beforehand and move full steam ahead. The slacker does not and so he/she tries to find easier ways to get where they want to be. Don't be discouraged at the long road in front of you. The end goal may be far away, but enjoy the journey and celebrate the mini goals or steps achieved as you keep moving toward the end goal. Use these small victories to motivate you to keep going. When you have some victories under your belt, look back and see how far you have come. You can have what you dream of having in life if you go about it properly. Pursue what you want!

Hiring a life coach may be right for you. Coaching can help you set and achieve goals, make life changes, overcome procrastination and obstacles, find your life purpose, get out of a rut, and move forward. Visit http://www.morphcoaching.com/.

What's The Pay Off?

What is robbing you of your joy? What is causing harm to you rather than benefiting you? If it is not benefiting you and those around you, then it is taking away from you. What is bringing frustration to your life? It could be something as easy as your attitude or it could be something tougher like a deep rooted pain or hurt you experienced years ago, but never dealt with. If it is a deep rooted issue that troubles you today, allow me to suggest that you pick up the phone and call a counselor who can help you get passed that. Maybe you are not dealing with a deep rooted issue. What is it then that is not benefiting your life? Could it be drugs, alcohol, or gambling? Could it be hatred, anger, bitterness, or unforgiveness? I encourage you to be honest with yourself right now and examine your life. You know exactly what is and what is not benefiting your life. You do not need someone to tell you. How is that particular thing robbing from you? What affect does it have on your spouse, family, friends, and co-workers? How is it distancing others from you? How is it affecting your life? What kind of momentary benefit does it bring to you and is it worth the price you pay? Be honest with yourself; forget everyone else and just examine yourself.

The good thing is, it doesn't matter whether it is an addiction, an attitude, or a certain way of living; we can change it. It may require we get outside assistance. It may simply be something we recognize that is affecting us negatively and applying the positive opposite would change it for the better. One thing is very clear, it will take work. It will take work in the sense of practicing the new behavior or lifestyle change. Think of how long you have been doing that particular thing that has not brought benefit to your life; it is ingrained in you to do it that way. You must practice a new habit everyday for at least 30 days and probably longer before it becomes a regular part of your day to day life. It must become a habit and it takes time and effort to build a habit.

First things first, pinpoint exactly what is taking away or not benefiting you. Next, place a new habit in place of this old habit. Thirdly, practice this new habit every chance you get. Now, there will be times you will revert back to your old ways; it is not the end of the world. Whatever you do, do not make excuses for it or try to justify it. Simply see how you arrived there, so you can see what exactly triggered you reverting back to your old way. It may be a friend that you can no longer associate yourself with or it may be a place you can no longer go to. It may be people that trigger a certain attitude. If that is the case, you have got to change your attitude and not necessarily the people. In other words, if you find yourself getting easily angered or frustrated with people or circumstances, then you need to acknowledge that is something you do and change it. You change it by first acknowledging it as something you do not desire to do any longer. Then, when the time comes that you feel it coming on, suppress it and exchange it for a better attitude. Know what kind of attitude you want to exchange it for in advance or else this will not work.

Again, the bottom line is that it will take work in order to bring the necessary changes we desire to our lives. We must practice the new way of living, new attitude, new outlook, and new way of conducting ourselves. It will take some time, but it will be well worth it. Think about it, you can remain like you are or you can make life better for yourself and those around you. You can remain like you are and keep allowing that particular thing to keep taking away from you or you can change it. The change is worth it if it brings benefit and enjoyment of life to you and others around you.

Let's not give up; we all have weaknesses that we need to tend to and work on. We can all better ourselves and in bettering ourselves, we make it easier for others we come in contact with and we can even make this world a better place.

If you would like more information on hiring a life coach to help you set and achieve goals, make life changes, overcome procrastination and obstacles, find your life purpose, get out of a rut and move forward, etc; visit www.morphcoaching.com.

Be All You Can Be

Why do we limit ourselves? We often look at other people and wish we had what they have or was gifted as they are. We wish we had the talents and skills other people possess that we do not. Have you ever thought about what skills and talents are? It becomes a skill or a talent to an individual, because they have practiced and worked countless hours to make it a skill or talent. Sure, some people are naturally gifted; this does not mean they do not ever have to practice or put forth effort to further learn their skill. We often see a person who is gifted, talented, or skilled and we envy their ability to do a particular thing or things very well. We rarely think about what it took to get them there. They did not just arrive where they are with the skill or ability they have. We did not see them go to school for their ability. We did not see them read many books about their skill. We did not see the many hours they put forth in practice to become better talented. No, all we see is a polished product. This can be very deceiving if we only look at where the person is now and do not look at how they got to where they presently are.

You must realize you can be and do whatever you are willing to work for. Those who are diligent, determined, and motivated to work toward learning a particular skill or skills are the ones others wish they could be. You can learn whatever skill, talent, and ability you want. Remember, they can be learned. Are you willing to spend countless hours practicing or learning? Are you willing to go back to school or to seminars? Are you willing to work hard? It is going to take more than desire for you to be all you can be. You must put action to your desire. Don't settle for mediocrity; be all you desire to be.

Morph Coaching helps people think through, set, and achieve goals for their personal and professional lives. If you would like more information about coaching, visit www.morphcoaching.com.